once more. i phailed.
i have so much in my mind, that i will never be able to express it in words.
but i am guilty. i feel guilty.
betrayal.
i feel that i betrayed some people.
i feel betrayed by some people.
i wanna say sorry, but i know that will not be accepted.
so i have to just. accept it.
people who got betrayed. please forgive me. it wasn't the right circumstances. i had to live on. i thought i had found my place in life. i thought everything was right around me.
i had believed in what i should never believe.
to those that betrayed me. however i ask for people to forgive me, you will not be forgived.
and i am afraid.
afraid of revenge, afraid of hatred.
i am the ultimate culprit.
but i am feeling the guilt.
no one understands the agony i am in right now.
not even god. i trust that he doesn't know.
i trust that he thinks he is almighty. but he is not.
he will never conquer my mind.
because. i have too much hidden.
i have too much, that could not be told.
i have a past.
one that. could never be erased, and all im hoping is that. it never gets brought up again.

once upon a time... i had believed in life.
but honestly. what is life?
according to the second law of thermodynamics, the entropy of the universe is always increasing.
which means... the world will reach a state of maximum disorder, that it no longer can contain any living beings. so why bother living?
emotions are numb. they dont exist. all i can feel is hatred and fear.

life is a nuisance, very irritating. how i wish it never existed, how i wish I never existed.
i wonder what life is all about, why let me have such guilt, which i will carry with me forever?
why?
why letme live, when all my purpose is to contribute to the final demise of the world?
am i not a villain?
i sinned. god. forgive me.
i know i am no one to ask for anyone's forgiveness, but please. give me one more chance.
let me show my worth as a human being.

everyone in this world right now. give me a chance. to show what i can achieve, let me start afresh.