i feel like a failure. i feel im wasting my life away.
within a second, this summer will be over, and then life starts to be fucked up again.
the problems will resurface, everything will be as bad as ever, and then... i will no longer have the freedom to do anything i want.
yet right now, im wasting my time, staring at my msn, staring at a FM which plays like 1/2 of the original speed i used to play on my desktop, staring at my computer specs, angry at the lack of graphics, angry at the weak shit of intel. why must they do this to me?
what have i done to not even deserve to play computer games?
what have i done?
why is it that certain people who should study more, who should work harder, get the chance of enjoying themselves, while i have to play fucked up games.
no. this is not fair.
i am wasting my time, i know i am. but i jsut cant do what i need to do. i have so much, i want to do them, but i feel confused, mad, emo. whatever word u use. i want a better graphics card, i want better self control, i want to be able to finish what i want to do.
i want to study, i want to know how to play a guitar PROPERLY, i want to go running.
i want to be able to work hard even if i feel pain, sadness, i do not want to give up. for so long, i have not been able to do that.
xin you yu er li bu zu? no. not true. i dont know.
i want to do my stuff. instead of facing a slow fucking fm. praying to win the fucking chelsea and reloading coz i fucking dont wanna lose to them. if i shoudl waste my time away, at least allow me a better game? at least allow me games taht people play, that even fuckers can play?
but no. cbff. i am not lucky enuff.
this morning i was debating.
shld i save up 60/120 bucks for extra ram, so when my graphics hog my ram i have some ram left,
shld i save up for a 160 gb ipod classic,
shld i save up for a 32gb touch
shld i save up for a 500gb phdd?
i dont know.
i dont even know how im going to do that.
how much money do i get? close to 0. fucking hell.
why do people poorer than me get somuch more allowance? why.
that they can eat so much daily, and still have remaining money for a lot of stuff.
who doesnt want a 2gb nvidia graphic card?
who doesnt want a quad core processor?
who doesnt want physics card for EVEN better gaming?
who doesnt want an ipod?
who doesnt want as many things as they can?
what fairness in this world.
okay i may sound like a fucking spoilt child. fine. wtv.
lalala. maybe i shld take a nap.
maybe sleeping will cure my fucking spoilt-child-ness.
lol.
siann. no soccer today, so i pretty much wasted my time.
god save me.